Do Not Disturb

November 30, 2017


Photo by
Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

Recently I’ve been thinking about the past a lot. Like, how when I had only a couple kids. How I would cook meals, clean house, go on walks, go to the gym, journal, etc. It’s just not the same anymore and it bothers me. Yes, I’ve added five more children to that amount, but I’m not convinced that’s what’s changed. Then it clicked.

It’s Facebook. Continue Reading…

I’m a Goner

October 6, 2017

I have a hot thread going on my Facebook page about this but thought I’d just go ahead and throw a post up because…well…because.

Have you heard of the band Twenty One Pilots?

I am obsessed. Thought it was cool when I found out we used to go to church with the drummer. Of course, he was like 11 years old at the time, but still.

Their music. Their lyrics. The most christian lyrics I’ve ever heard. The artistry knows no bounds. I cry at almost every single song.

As somebody who has struggled the majority of my life with depressing thoughts. Thoughts no person should ever have. Thoughts that only the enemy could have put in my head with the intent of destroying me. These lyrics they sing are felt out. They are deep. They almost always point you to God. Nearly every single song.

One of my most favorites is Holding Onto You. My current favorite that had me crying while driving home the other day is Johnny Boy.

“I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame”

That’s God singing to His children.

Dang, I’m crying even writing that.

I am so thankful that God put these lyrics in them to share with all of us. So much hate in this world and here you have two men singing to reach others who are where, I assume, they’ve been. You don’t sing with that much passion and with those kind of lyrics without knowing the pain and without knowing the hope there is to be had.

Well, this wasn’t a thought out post so I may write about them again later. I mean, I could write an entire post about each and every song.

Even Taco Bell Saga.

Ok, so not all their songs are pointing to God.

And for those who have never heard that one, you’re welcome šŸ˜‰

It’s bedtime now, so till next time.

Blessings!

Old Sins Cast Long Shadows

October 2, 2017

One sin.

Thatā€™s all it takes.

One sin can destroy so many.

I began writing this post a while ago but I want to address a current situation in the news. Hugh Hefner died. You guys, I don’t know anything about him. I don’t know how he created Play Boy. I don’t know what his thought life was like. I can assume he was not a Christian. But I know absolutely nothing of him. He’s not somebody I’ve ever spent time looking into. All I know is that he alone did not cause so many to sin. Hugh did not become famous on his own. It was all of his customers that made him famous. He did not force anybody to buy his magazines. People were eager to indulge their flesh and he saw a money making opportunity. Was it wrong of him? Absolutely! But it was personal choice that caused these sexual sins. Personal choice is what destroyed families. Personal choice is what scarred memories and ruined futures. We simply can not put our blame on somebody else. When we sin, we need to own it.

We take sin so lightly sometimes. Yet all it takes is one solitary sin to destroy multitudes. It effects so many. There are ripples that touch and scar those who are close to us and those we may never know. Dreams could be torn apart. Families could be rampaged. Sin has one mission and that is to kill and destroy. Let’s remember, always, that old sins cast long shadows. Though one small sin may seem gone and never to be heard of again, it may be effecting so many years later. We never know.

Repentance is so important and yet so foreign in this day and age. Itā€™s so easy to hide behind our screens and act like our lives are Instagram perfect. To repentant is to accept that what we’ve done was evil in Godā€™s sight. To apologize and seek forgiveness from those we have damaged.

When we see the light we are never the same again. Ever. Our eyes are no longer on ourselves, our sight is on making Him look greater. I saw a church billboard the other day that was spot on.

“Sin is like a credit card. Enjoy now. Pay later.”

Oh but that payment. We can try and pay but we will never ever be able to cover the payments. Only One can pay. And itā€™s up to ourselves whether we allow Him to cover our dirtiness with His love.

To see a truly repentant man is to see one who hates what his choice to sin has done. Who chooses to use his wrong doing to help others to not make the same wicked choice. We could all go about sinning and apologizing. But the beauty in helping others out of their current or possible future sin is lost. We have the ability to reach somebody now and protect them from going down the same dangerous road we walked. We need to be the light that they need to guide them towards their true Protector.

God can make beauty from ashes. But those ashes are wide spread. Wider than we may ever know. Influence others with Christ’s love while you can because we don’t deserve it. We don’t deserve such a loving Father. We deserve Hell. But because of His grace, love, and forgiveness we have the ability to change our lives and so many others.

Sin is self focused, but no sin is beyond the forgiveness of God.

For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.
Galatians 5:13

Blessings!

Out of the Pit

September 25, 2017

Are you ready for another utterly raw post?

I’m writing this carefully and without photos because I will straight up cry. I attempted to find some photos from a few years ago and it made my heart sink.

If you guys read through my posts from our time in Tennessee you’ll see I was struggling. Pretty darn deep. I was never diagnosed with anything (remember, I don’t like being put in a box anyhow). So let me try to describe what my daily *thought life* was like.

I was being punished.

I was alone.

I wanted to be happy but I didn’t know what that was like.

I cried.

A lot.

I carried so much on myself.

I wanted to leave.

I felt we made a huge mistake.

Those less than 2 years were horrible. Absolutely horrible. And I’d give anything to go back. I was struggling in my health and didn’t even realize it. Don’t get me wrong, I went and saw doctor after doctor nearly every week. Maybe I wanted attention? Of course, nothing was wrong according to them.

Here’s where they were WRONG.

My gut was a cesspool. There was bacteria and all sorts of nastiness making MY BODY it’s home. I never would have believed that my stomach and bowels would have such a dramatic effect on my emotional state.

I READ my Bible! I prayed without ceasing! Wasn’t I doing enough???

MY loves, we are so beautifully and intricately made, weĀ must take care of our temples. Our prayer life, our thought life, our spiritual life can all be effected. And the enemy knows. He knows. Why do you think the grocery store shelves are filled with sugars? Watch me, I’m not blaming the grocery stores, I’m blaming the enemy.

My thought life dramatically changed when I began Plexus. I wasn’t expecting thatĀ at all. I just wanted more energy. But when my thought life changed. When I stopped crying and locking myself in my room. My children got their mom back. My husband got his wife back. My friends gotĀ meĀ back. I was no longer calling them to vent. God answered their prayers in a way I never would’ve believed.

The inside of me needed cleaned out. Who would have thought. I didn’t have to steal those memories from my family.

But let me tell you this, had somebody told me, “hey, this will help you.” I would have looked them in the eyes and said, “You don’t know me! You don’t know what I’m dealing with! This is a spiritual battle!” And technically, it was.

Nowadays, my daily routine involves Plexus, adaptogens, nutritionally dense food, fermented foods, and TONS OF WATER!!! Still lots of prayer. Still getting in His word. Still receiving counseling from friends.

To be honest with you, we’re going through something very similar to when we were in Tennessee. We’re looking to moveĀ back to Tennessee and I do wonder if I’m being punished for having been such a headache the last time we were there. The difference this time is that I know how to chase those thoughts away.

I know God has us where we are for a reason and I know He’s taking care of us. But, because I know of so many others who are where I was and are dealing with those same hellacious thoughts, I have to let you know what personally helped me. I don’t want to see somebody drowning and just walk away hoping they find a raft. I’m throwing the life saver out to you now. Please, get in touch with me. I’m not a certified counselor but my heart is to be there for others. My love, you’re not alone. We go through experiences to help others! Let me help you. I would love to pray for you. Message me and allow me to add you to my daily prayers. Let me help you on a new health journey that you didn’t know was possible. I’m considering attempting a meal plan, that may be a while. But be patient, it will be worth it.

We were not created to live life alone. Let’s lift each other up during these difficult times.

Blessings!

Being Transformed

September 21, 2017

Hey there strangers! I feel like I’ve been gone forever, but I’ve been thinking of you for a long time. I have so much to share but wanted to make sure I was doing it properly. I’ve been out of the blogging/journaling world for quite a while but it still feels like home. You can’t connect with people on Facebook or Instagram the way you can with blogging. So here goes…

When something clicks I just want to share it with you. I am an Emerald ambassador with Plexus Worldwide and I was supposed to go to Maui this past week, however, we had no one to watch our kids so we were unable to go. It was heartbreaking, I won’t lie, BUT I’m so thankful we didn’t go. We went to church this past Sunday and the sermon was exactly what I’ve needed. I would have hated to have missed out on it. In fact, it’s something I’ve needed for years. I’ve had loved ones and friends trying to tell me this, but I just didn’t get it. This past Sunday it clicked. The pieces fit together perfectly and my mind began processing. Like a child trying to fit the triangle piece into the circle area, it just never worked for me. However, it was more of me not allowing the pieces to fit. I would push the piece away.

This past year had been hell. I’m not even going to candy coat that for you. In fact, the past five years have felt like the hurricane season of 2017. There hasn’t really been a relief and when I thought there was going to be I got walloped with something new. I’m still struggling to find my feet on the ground. Trust has become a thing of the past. Childish, really. I have come upon “believers” who are some of the scariest people I have come to know. There is a reason the Bible tells us not to trust man. You trust God, my loves, and that is it. I won’t lie, as soon as I have a friendship blossoming I have become trained to wait, to wait for the bomb to drop. Because something, I don’t know what, but something is going to happen. We are all broken people. Each and every one of us. If you see somebody’s “perfect life” online, I promise you, they’re hiding something or many somethings.

We drove to Whole Foods today (because really, that’s my happy place) and we began discussing music. Twenty One Pilots, to be specific. These lyrics are easily the strongest christian lyrics I have ever listened to. And so needed, especially for this young generation that needs guidance and advice. We found this on Pinterest and this says it all! And btw, I went to church with Josh, so yeah, they’re believers.

Get up Johnny boy, get up Johnny boy
Get up ’cause the world has left you lying on the ground.
You’re my pride and joy, you’re my pride and joy.
Get up Johnny boy because we all need you now.

We all need you now

I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame
And I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame
And I will carry all your names and I will carry all your shame

Instead of people arguing over what version of the Bible weĀ must read to be considered a true christian we should be doing whatever we can to reach out to these hurting kids. When you see a show likeĀ 13 Reasons coming out and being as big a hit as it is you must ask yourself why. I can tell you I had to fight wanting to watch that because of the dark pit I resided in for the vast majority of my life. I came away from that show (only watched a few snippets) with a very different view than others. People hated it! And I get it, when you haven’t been through that hell you think it isĀ theirĀ fault. But I tell you this, all I ever wanted to know was that I mattered. That I wasn’t just taking up space. I had plenty of people reminding me of how ‘not good enough’ I was. So when somebody would tell me I was enough, it felt like a lie.

Am I getting a little too real with you?

Back to church. Maybe this’ll click with you today, but maybe it won’t. I’m just going to share with you my thoughts. I’ve always thought you had to look a certain way. Be a certain size. Talk a certain way. Like the right music. Listen to the right preachers. Read the right books. Garden, you have to garden. Shop at Target. Make your bed every day. Talk a certain way. Vacation in the right places. Take the right pictures at the right time and share them immediately. You guys, I hate conforming. HATE IT. And honestly, that’s my favorite verse in all of scripture.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what Godā€™s will isā€”his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Even when I thought I was bucking the trend I would conform to the non conforming extremists. Therefore, conforming….again. Definition of insanity, y’all.

What I’ve been doing this past week is un-conforming. I may not like Pumpkin Spice Lattes, in fact I hate them, too sugary. If you like them, you rock that thing! I believed that I wasn’t good enough to talk about spiritual things or health things (2 of my passions), but I am exactly who God created me to be and He alone planted that desire in my heart and it is the enemy whispering in my ear, at every moment, that I will never be enough.

Months ago I was deeply struggling. Very deep. I remember my husband grabbing my shoulders, looking me in the eyes, and telling me over and over again “you are loved and you are enough.” If he saw my shoulders drop and the tears follow suit he’d say it again. He was telling me with such sincerity but the pieces didn’t match. And can I just say I am blessed far beyond what I deserve.

Even when I was naming this blog I thought I was doing something I shouldn’t. I was reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp and thought she would be upset if I used the word Eucharisteo. I remember being shocked that I was able to get the site name. Even hesitant to tell my site when I met her at Allume in October 2013. She is such a gift! Beautiful soul!

Here’s probably the craziest, I am now a Natural Health Professional in the process of becoming a Doctor of Naturopathy. I still ask if I’m allowed to share what I’ve learned. Cause in my head, you pay for your schooling, right? So how can I give away this information that they are selling? Gah, my head can be a bloody circus sometimes.

All of this honesty to come and tell you….it’s time for a renewing. To kick out all of those lies. To hold on to His truth. To get back in His word first and foremost. To stop living for everybody’s approval and to live for only His approval. To know that I am enough because He made me enough. He didn’t miss any ingredients (like I do when I try to cook). He made me perfectly me. Just like He made you perfectly you. There will be some people I can help and there will be some people I can’t. That’s ok. Some people have large audiences and some private parties. There may only be one person that reads this post but I pray, if that’s you, that you are blessed and encouraged to know that there is only one you. There are adventures the Lord has ready for you if, and only if, you trust Him. If, like I was, you don’t think you’re enough for Him to use then you’re listening more to the enemy’s lies than you are to your Father’s truth.

I’m tellin’ ya, the past five years has felt like I’m swimming with sharks against the current. And now I’m preparing to renew my mind. To renew it all. We should love who God created us to be. And give thanks to Him because you, my love, are His masterpiece. You are fearfully and most wonderfully made. Do not ever doubt that. There is somebody who needs to see and know the real you, not the social media you.

One thing I love about being a photographer is capturing the beauty thatĀ I see in people. You are far more beautiful than any filter. I just celebrated my 37th birthday. That is something I love doing! I don’t play the 29 Year Old game. 37 years is amazing! That is 37 years some didn’t get to experience. How can you not be thankful for the mountaintops and the dark valleys? This is your story and only your story. God did not give your story to anybody else. This is your story to tell. You are given experiences to help others. We are to link arms as brothers and sisters in Christ to make it through this world stronger.

For a return post I probably put five possible posts into one, lol. But all this has been on my heart and I had to share. I love you all and I’m excited to be back with you. I’ve also begun a new site regarding health. You can find me over at Restoring Moms on Facebook. All this rebooting and restoring. We need to cast out the old and start again! You are enough and you are loved. Share His love with others.

Blessings!

EDITED: to add in this amazing video you MUST watch! Thanks to my friend for sharing this with me!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWi5iXnguTU&feature=youtu.be