I was so hurt. The bitterness within me was growing by the minute, by the day, by the month and now by the year. How they had treated me had hurt soul deep. A tender bruise that would swell at the very thought. Tears ran easily, and if we’re being honest, still do. That horrible feeling of worthlessness. Isn’t that what we all desire? To know that we matter? To know that there is worth in our being?
Soul. Deep. Pain.
Many nights I would awake in the middle of the night heaving tears. To the point where I had to leave the bedroom so I wouldn’t rouse those resting peacefully.
My friend, have you been there? Have you been crushed by another that had no care in the world about you? Have you felt that soul deep anguish? The heaviness of their yoke?
But a better question might be…have you been that “friend?” That spouse? That mother? That one that walked on as if you did nothing wrong? The one that thought that as long as your life was going well then there’s nothing wrong in the world?
We are a wickedly self absorbed generation. It is all about us. We can easily share Facebook videos about how awful bullying is but then we turn around and we *are* that bully. We’re the elitists. If only somebody would video tape us in our shameful moments and share them on a big screen.
Oh, my love, that day is coming. There will come a day when we will have to account for every wrong word we said. And for the words we didn’t say.
You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:34-37 ESV)
And those two little words I was talking about?
They are honey on the lips. Especially to one that has been wounded. To hear those sweet words from a sincere heart. A heart that has been broken by the realization of what they have done. But to just carelessly say those precious words is like giving scraps to the dog. Yes, you said what they wanted to hear but you said it because it was going to benefit you. It was going to keep that person from interrupting the comfortable path you were on.
This isn’t about us. It never is. This is about our Savior.
Do we truly repent? Do we fall to our knees and cry out to Him and apologize for disobeying Him? Our hearts should be sensitive to others. We are walking among His children. I can tell you this, I would not be nice to you if you harmed, emotionally or physically, one of my children. And my children? They’re His, too.
When you repent of your sins, what is your attitude? Is that how you would want someone to apologize to you? Is “I’m sorry” enough? Or are you just going through the motions to make sure you’re playing your get-into-Heaven cards well?
Apologizing, repenting, it’s a matter of the heart. You can’t just tell somebody you love them if you don’t care about how you’ve harmed them. Acknowledge what has happened and understand it. Go and repent. Seek reconciliation.
Two words that can be extremely hard to say. And to some they roll off the lips a little too easily.
Have you ever considered that He allows these troubles into our lives so that we can have just a taste of how we have sinned against Him? And how we have hurt Him? We need to learn how to apologize properly. We certainly do not want to go around grieving the Holy Spirit.
Mama’s, you’ll understand this, when my children have disobeyed me I expect them to apologize. But sometimes the youngest ones will stand there with an angry face and not look in my eyes, sometimes stomping their feet. What they don’t understand is that I’ve already forgiven them. But they stand there as if they don’t believe they’ve done anything wrong and they don’t need my forgiveness. Do you see? Do you understand? We act the same to our most holy Father! We don’t believe we’ve really sinned. Or maybe we believe that He already knew we were going to sin, so whatever. Oh, such a wretched thought.
There’s a reason we should be on our knees. Because we are too weak without Him. Because the heaviness of our sins brings us down but it is His love and grace that lifts us up again.
And for those who are hurting now from lack of an apology from others, your Father sees all and He’s taking care of you. Rest in Him who has your tender and bruised soul. Do not be afraid of what man can do to you. Yahweh has so much more for you, do not allow this to take your focus off of Him. Be ready to forgive. Put on Christ and live each day fully for Him.
I love you my dears and will be heartily praying for you.