There are so many people in our lives nowadays that greatly influence our daily decisions. Maybe it’s your favorite character in a movie. A friend you’re trying to make. A spouse you’re trying to draw closer to. A parental figure you’re seeking approval from. Years and years of trying to please others can leave you lost and unknown in this world.

I was like that. But I remember the night I watched the following clip from Joan of Arcadia and realized I was Dylan {Hilary Duff}.

How humbling. To not even know what kind of food is your favorite. It was then that I realized that I had been living for everybody else and did not know who I was. And so the process began. I slowly began trying different things {and yes, dessert was one of the first} to find out what it truly was that made me happy. I was discovering who it was that God had created. Not this edited version that I had created to look appealing to others.

Let me give you an analogy. My kids love to draw. They take a piece of paper and scribble. Some are just that, scribbles. The older girls draw elaborate scenes. But no matter whose drawing it is, if one of the children leans over and begins to draw on the original artwork of her sister – oh boy do we hear it! Screams of injustice! From a young age we recognize the wrongs of changing what somebody else has created. So why do we accept it as adults? Why is it ok to let others scribble and change God’s workmanship? Are we not thankful for how He has made us?

All it takes from your past is one disapproving comment. One childish joke. Even just a raise of an eyebrow to doubt who you are. But when you start to discover your true desires you need to back that up with confidence. Even as an adult you’ll still receive sideways comments from people who are not walking with the Lord. Remember that those people did not create you. They don’t care about the plans He has for you. Trust in the One who loves you and who wants the best for you. Pray for strength to stand up for yourself. Encourage the weaker ones.

Start today. What is your favorite dessert? What is your favorite scripture verse? How do you like your eggs? What is your favorite color?

Simple? Maybe. But I know I personally struggled with the last question for, literally, years. So much so that I would answer ‘rainbow’ because I didn’t want to be judged for my favorite. Take your time but enjoy the process of meeting yourself. You’ve got a lot to learn!

Blessings!

Will you still accept me if I change?

I wonder this every time I try to walk away from my sinful habits. I become convicted that how I’m living is not bringing glory to God and I decide, at that moment, to drastically change how I’m portraying Him to others. But there’s always a twist. For some reason it’s incredibly difficult for me to change how I live in front of those closest to me. I’m afraid. Afraid that they’re going to judge me. They know the terrible things I say and do. When I first became a Christian it was very difficult for me to stop doing the things I wanted to stop doing. After all, only a year previous had I declared myself an Atheist. That first year of my walk was so incredibly difficult. The devil was right there to trip me up and I was so fragile. The words that stung most were from non believers, “a real Christian wouldn’t do that” they would say. Judging. Causing me to doubt that I could walk this walk.

Do you struggle in your walk with the Lord? Are you afraid of how you’re portraying His grace and His love? Take heart dear one. This road is rough. And from my 13 years of walking with Him, I’m sorry, but it doesn’t get any easier. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be a celebrity – be a Christian. You will have your own paparazzi there to magnify and announce all of your flaws and failings. But continue and strive to be like Christ. Change and run from sin. You will fall. You will fail. But that is the beauty of His amazing grace. As undeserving as we are He still loves us and He still wants us. He will walk with each one of us through our valleys.

When you are ashamed of your actions and are afraid to tell others that you’re going to be making some life changes, remember that He is not ashamed of you and what you’ve done. He can and will use your past to glorify His name. Trust Him.

So as I change. Go ahead and judge me. I know that He’s turning me into something beautiful. He can do the same for you, too. Allow the process to take time and have grace for yourself and especially for others.

Blessings!